The Butt Naked King

If you've been paying attention, you'll remember that King Charm wasn't the most imaginative of men. Well, now it can be revealed exclusively! that he also is rather stupid and gullible, but also very proud of the clothes he wore. He spent all of his hard-earned cash on clothes, there were seven grand feast halls in his castle, four of them were filled with his clothes. Stories of the King Who Loved Clothes In A Platonic Way spread far and wide, to other kingdoms in fact, even as far as Fibbingland. Stick with me here. Two men from Fibbingland (known as Fibbers) decided to try out their skills on King Charm and travelled the dozens of miles to his kingdom for at least a day and a half, and turned up at the door. One of the men, a Mr Lye, knocked.
"Who's there?" asked the guard warily, as guards aren't supposed to.
"It's Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate the Fibbers, from Fibbingland." said Mr Lye.
"Not the Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate the Fibbers, from Fibbingland?" asked the guard.
"Shut up, I've read that story." said Mr Lye.
"Oh okay." said the guard, dejected that he didn't get to do That Thing, and let them in. "Who do you wanna see?"
"The king!" said Mr O'Bfuscate, while Mr Lye was marvelling at the terrible security at this castle.
"Oh righty-ho. Up those stairs and turn left." said the guard and got back to reading his book, The Black And White Knight On The Black And White Horse. Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate climbed up the stairs and turned right, then turned around and walked in the right direction, until they came to a big door with the sign "KING" on it. They knocked.
"Who is that a-knocking at my door?" came a voice from within. Mr O'Bfuscate started to say something that would rhyme, but was interrupted by Mr Lye.
"It's Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate the Fibbers, from Fibbingland." said Mr Lye.
"Not the Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate the Fibbers, from Fibbingland?" asked the voice from within.
"Shut it you. Yes it's us! We want to talk to the king!"
"Okay," said the voice from within (don't worry, it's getting a name in a minute), "Come on in!"
Mr Lye pushed the door open and he and his companion entered the room. The man inside was standing in front of a mirror adoring himself in a horrible pink and lime green suit with frills and tall purple boots.
"Why hello there Messrs Lye and O'Bfuscate!" he said, his voice remarkably like (the same as) the erstwhile voice from within. "This is my new suit. Isn't it just wonderful?"
"Errrr yes..." said Mr Lye, slapping the retching Mr O'Bfuscate on the back. "Hey kingy! Would you like some clothes that set you apart from other men?"
"Oooh please!" said the king, clapping his hands together in a very foppish manner.
"We have this new fabric, woven from the wings of beetles, that only the most intelligent and worthy of people can see." said Mr Lye. "Mr O'Bfuscate, the fabric if you would please..."
"I would please." said Mr O'Bfuscate, opening a previously unmentioned bag and reaching inside. He pulled out his forefinger and thumb pinched together as if they were holding a delicate fabric, but King Charm could see nothing. Not wishing to seem as if he was not intelligent or worthy, he pretended he could see it and remarked on it's beauty.
"It's beautiful!" he remarked. See?
"Yes indeed it is, and for just a small fee, we shall create for you the most wonderful suit of clothes a king could wear, right down to your underwear, and shoes."
"Oh take whatever money you can find lying around, I must have a suit of this fabric!" said the king. And so Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate set to work taking the king's measurements, and then pretended to start sewing the non-existant fabric into clothes.

Sixteen days and nine nights passed while the two Fibbers (men from Fibbingland, don't forget) cut thin air and wove invisible thread through the air, until eventually the king returned to their workshop.
"Have you finished my new suit yet, gentleman?" he asked excitedly.
"Yes your kingliness, we've just sewn the last button onto your jacket!" said Mr O'Bfuscate, holding up a jacket of thin air, "Would you like to see?"
"Yes please!" said the king, hoping he would see something this time, but alas, he still could see nothing. Still not wishing to seem stupid or unworthy, he remarked once more on how beautiful the fabric was.
"The fabric is quite beautiful!" he remarked, and also added what a wonderful cut the suit was. "And what a wonderful cut the suit is!" he added.
"Would you like to try it on?" asked Mr Lye, imagining the vast amount of money they'd get for this easy stunt.
"Would I!" the king said, taking off his clothes. Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate each pretended they were holding a part of the suit, and helped the king put them on.
"It is a very light fabric," Mr O'Bfuscate explained, "And so it may feel like you aren't wearing a thing. But of course all intelligent and worthy people, such as yourself, can see it as clear as day."
King Charm stood in front of the mirror and admired himself. Although he still couldn't see a thing, he pretended to himself that he could, and remarked how it was a perfect fit.
"It's a perfect fit!" he remarked. "I shall go out and show my subjects my most wonderful of suits at once! Your payment, gentlemen, is in the treasury. Down the stairs, turn left, pass the kitchens, down some more stairs, turn right, right again, left, right, right, right, right, left, second left, through the little door, over the bridge, down the stairs, up the stairs, turn left, spin three times in a clockwise direction, turn right, right again, right again, right again, up the stairs, through the window, down the outside of the castle, under the water, past the big ugly fish, through the grate, up through the toilet, through the door, turn left, tap your heels together twice and say 'floop', turn left, through the door, straight up the hole in the ceiling, take the nineteenth left, hide behind the tractor beam control, wait for the stormtroopers to walk past, turn right again, teleport yourself to the other side of the galaxy, take off your shoes, turn right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, halt, and it's in the room marked 'Lots of money'."

Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate followed the king's directions (I won't go through all that again), and made good with the booty, whatever that means. Meanwhile, King Charm collected together his gentlemen-in-waiting and had them announce to the people that he would be parading through the streets of the town so they could all see his wonderful new clothes, and that only intelligent and worthy people would be able to see the special fabric.
"The king will be parading through the streets of the town!" the gentlemen-in-waiting announced to the people, "So that you can all see his wonderful new clothes! Only intelligent and worthy people will be able to see the special fabric!"
"Huh!" replied the people as one, "So what?"
Yet no matter how much the public say they dislike and don't agree with the idea of royalty, they still turned up in their droves and lined the streets to see the king displaying his new clothes. Also, people don't like to risk seeming stupid or unworthy (or risk getting beheaded), so when they saw the king wearing no clothes, they said as one (people do that a lot in this place),
"What wonderful clothes!"
"What a great jacket!"
"What lovely trousers!"
"What a big -" But then a little child in the crowd called out that the king was wearing no clothes at all.
"But he's wearing no clothes at all!" a little child in the crowd called out. The other people in the crowd laughed at this and said how the child was fooling around.
"Hahaha!" they laughed, "The child is fooling around!" But the child persevered, and other children said the same thing, and eventually their parents were saying the same thing, and eventually the whole crowd was laughing at their naked king, figuring that he couldn't behead them all, and that if a lot of people do something stupid and unworthy, then eventually that something will be the clever and worthy thing to do. The king heard the laughs and the taunts and the jeers, and rather than think 'I'll behead 'em all, to the last man', he thought that they were correct and he'd been duped big time by Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate.
'I've been duped big time by Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate' he thought, and ran back to the castle, flapping all over, cursing his stupidity and gullibility.

The moral of this story is:

Next tale...

Kinging pays quite well, I hear. And of course he deserves it! If you were in his position you'd be sure you deserve it too...

"What story?" I hear you ask. "

Spot the pun.

Don't ask about the discrepancy. I would explain it but either:

1. It involves a very complex and confusing explanation about how the kingdom existed in a different timeline to the rest of the world and sometimes lost days,
2. It means that Mr Lye and Mr O'Bfuscate took some nights off,
3. It was a mistake, or
4. I can't think up a good explanation.

Choose your own reason, and then

Drove = a type of coat popular in the kingdom.

As in, "in a flap", of course. What else?

THE TALES

OF THE

REAPERS

GRIMM

If you can see this, I'm only making space.