By the 2150's, the so-called Cola Wars had reached a new high. Pepsi, fresh from carving it's logo on the moon, were winning over their rivals Coca Cola, who made the brilliant move of buying the area of Russia known as the Kola Peninsula and changing it's name, obviously, to the Coca Kola Peninsula, thus ensuring that every map printed after that date would be an advertisement for Coca Cola. Pepsi retaliated by resurrecting Michael Jackson, who had entered the record books by being the world's first ever fully artificial man, and launched a new campaign of television advertisements, and also discovered a commercial non-flammable hair substitute. Things got worse for Coca Cola when the planet P'epsi was discovered in the distant Zeta Reticuli star system, increasing Pepsi's galactic sales by 240%, and taking the Cola Wars to the furthest reaches of the galaxy. However, the native intelligence of P'epsi, a race of large blue vacuum cleaners, preferred Coke.
Angered by their flagging popularity, Coca Cola turned the Cola Wars into a thermonuclear war, launching ten three-gigaton warheads at each of Pepsi's factories (which also, incidentally, resulted in the deaths of millions of innocent people and had a permanent effect on the environment - but this is big business). Coca Cola became instantly more popular, by default, seeing as there was now only one Pepsi factory left on Earth, the Hemel Hempstead office. But it didn't stop there. Oh no. Allegations sprung up that Coke's 'secret ingredient' was, in fact, lysergic acid diethylamide, better known as LSD or Acid. It was a ploy devised by the last remaining managing directors of the Pepsi company, intended to ruin the other company's reputation and sales. However, the plan backfired, as Coca Cola's sales increased a thousandfold, and mankind entered a new age of peace, goodwill, and big friendly floating pink bunny rabbits. But in 2218, the world's cola rivers suddenly ran dry, grounding loads of boats . The Pepsi company suddenly vanished altogether, re-emerging decades later as a terrorist organisation fighting for the abolition of the vivisection of purple heffalumps (LSD withdrawals), while Coca Cola reinvented itself as a 1920's style big band, preaching the benefits of armpit hair (more LSD withdrawals). So, the winners of the Cola Wars were, in fact, Dr Pepper, although this victory may be disputed as Dr Pepper's drink is quite clearly not a cola in any way, shape or form.

Point two: Not a metaphor after all. Well, ---- me.