Porky the little pig 
was the youngest of three brothers, his two older siblings
being called Pinky and Perky, respectively. Porky was also, obviously, the
fattest of the three pigs, and also (really piling it on now) the most stupid.
Porky's parents, Mr and Mrs Pig, decided it was high time their three sons
left home, and promptly kicked them out into the snow, and changed the locks.
Pinky, Perky and Porky realised, after living together in the same rented cottage
for almost a week, that they couldn't cohabit without turning porcicidal or
canniballistic, so they all decided to go out and build themselves little
cottages of their own.
Pinky, the oldest and cleverest, built himself a house of bricks with a nice
garden, while Perky, who was between Pinky and Porky in both intelligence and
age, built a rather less sensible house of logs. But to them later.
First, Porky. Oh dear. Poor Porky's building material of choice was straw.
Straw and sticks and twigs and leaves and other unreliable weak woodland rubbish.
As previously noted, Hector the wolf had observed Porky and his house,
and smiled a little wolf smile. He waited until the evening, when he was sure
that Porky was relaxed and at his most stupid. He smiled another little wolf
smile and crept stealthily to the front door, and knocked.
"Who's that?" Porky asked from behind the door.
"It's Hector the Wolf!" Hector replied dramatically. Porky, on the other side
of his straw door, yelped. "Let me in!" Hector continued. Porky felt himself
being drawn into some sort of age-old story (that sort of thing happens a lot
in the Black Forest).
"Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!" he said, doubting his words even
as he said them.
"Let me in," Hector said, "Or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blooooow the
house down!"
"No fear!" the little pig said, "I'm not that stupid!"
"Okay, you asked for it!" Hector took a deep breath, and huffed. And puffed.
And blew the house down, just as he'd promised.
The insensible straw cottage collapsed on top of Porky, who managed to crawl
out of the wreckage before Hector could find him.
Perky stood akimbo before his stupid fat younger brother, admonishing him.
"That wolf wouldn't have been able to blooooow your house down if it hadn't
been made of straw." he said, "You should have used a good, sturdy material,
like logs, just like I have. But yes, I suppose you can move in here while
you look for a council place."
"Thanks bruv" Porky said. Before anyone could do anything else, there was a knock
at the door.
"I wonder who that could be." Perky said uselessly on his way to the door.
"Who's there?"
"It's Hector!" came the reply from outside.
"Who?"
"Hector! The Wolf!"
"Oh. What do you want?"
"Let me in!" Hector said craftily. Perky became instantly suspicious.
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why should I let you in?"
"Oh, hang on. Let me think about this one." There was a pause while Hector
tried to think of a good reason, but obviously couldn't. "So I can gobble you
up!"
"Not," Porky and Perky said in unison, "By the hairs on our collective chinny-chin-chin!"
"I thought you might say that." Hector sighed. "Very well. You are aware that
I shall have to huff, and puff, and blooooow the house down?"
"That's what's supposed to happen, yes." Perky conceded. From the other side
of the door came the unmistakable sounds of a wolf huffing, then puffing, and
trying to blooooow the house down. But it didn't work.
"Hah!" Perky laughed, "It didn't work, wolfy! Hah! Hah!"
"Well, hang on there," Hector said, "I'll huff again, then I'll do a bit more
puffing, and then I'll blooooow the house down, you mark my words!"
Once again, there came the sounds of huffing and puffing, and this time, Hector
managed to blooooow the house down. But once again, Hector was an unlucky wolf,
and Perky and Porky managed to crawl away to their other brother's brick house
before they could be gobbled up, leaving Hector to curse loudly at his own misfortune.
"Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Both of you
managed to get evicted by a lone wolf and his lungs, eh? And on the same day?
Terrible, that's what I say. And you know what's to blame, don't you?"
"The wolf?" Porky ventured. Pinky nodded and rolled his eyes.
"Well, yes, obviously the wolf." he said, "But what else? Hmm?"
"I know," Perky said, "We chose weak materials to build our houses. Straw and logs
aren't very strong."
"That's right." Pinky said, crossing his arms. Er, front legs. Er, front limbs.
"You really should have used bricks, like me. Bricks are renowned for their
strength and sturdiness."
Hmm, Hector thought, hanging around outside Pinky's cottage, Bricks are quite
strong and sturdy, but I should be able to blooooow this house down as well.
He strutted to the door and knocked loudly. After a short pause, three little
pigs shouted in unison:
"Who's there?"
Slightly disconcerted, Hector replied: "It's Hector, the Wolf. Let me in!"
"Why?" the three little pigs chorussed.
"So's I can gobble you all up!"
"Hah!" came the collective call from within, "Not by the hairs on our chinny-chin-chin!"
"Right, you're gonna get it now." Hector said. "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and
I'll blooooow the house down!"
"Try your worst!"
Hector huffed, just like he said he would, and then he puffed, but he didn't
blooooow the house down. He tried again. Still he couldn't blooooow the house
down. He tried again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again,
and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again,
and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again,
and again, and again, and again, but to no avail. He just couldn't blooooow
down this house of bricks. While he was still all huffed and puffed out, the
pigs crept outside and dragged Hector indoors. Rather heartlessly, they cooked
him alive.
The moral of this story is:
THE END
It should be noted that this Porky Pig is not the famous
star of screen and stage, and is no way related to him or affiliated with the
P. Pig estate. Thank you.
Er, you can return
to the story now.
THE TALES OF THE REAPERS GRIMM