Batbloke And Bobin
in
Batbloke's Pet Alligator
(not literally in, unless it turns vicious)

Batbloke plopped down heavily into his easy chair and took off his superheroing mask, revealing... another Batbloke mask (costing just a small amount at any good costume shop). His eager and keen and stupid young sidekick Bobin sat on the sofa opposite, flicking through all the TV channels.
"I've had an exhausting day, Bobin." Our Hero said, and sighed deeply just to prove his point. "That is to say, I'm exhausted."
"Oh good." said Bobin, with as little commitment as possible. He continued to flick through the channels, while Batbloke sat back and picked up a copy of Woman's Monthly magazine. They stayed like this for some time, until Bobin said,
"Why are you so exhausted, Batbloke? I mean, Holy why are you so exhausted, Batbloke?"
"Ah!" said Batbloke, throwing the magazine to the floor and sitting up straight. "It's because I went to the pet shop!" He grinned at Bobin, and said no more.
"Holy asking for a reason, Batbloke! Why?"
"I bought myself a pet!" Batbloke grinned some more. Bobin took a deep sigh.
"Oh okay." he said. He turned his attention back to the television, and after a second or two of sitting grinning, Batbloke picked up the magazine again, and returned to the article on cumulonimbus clouds.

Two hours later, Bobin turned the television off.
"Holy enquiring as to the species of the pet you bought, Batbloke!" he said, "What did you get there?"
"Guess!" said Batbloke, not thrown at all by the amount of time it took for Bobin to get this far into the conversation. He was used to it, after all. He would be downright confused if the whole conversation were to take less than a day.
"Holy guessing a canine, Batbloke! A dog?"
"Nope."
"Holy guessing a feline, Batbloke! A cat?"
"Nope."
"Holy guessing a small yellow bird, Batbloke! A canary?"
"Nope."
"Holy guessing a larger bird, Batbloke! A parrot?"
"Nope."
"Holy guessing a slow-moving four-footed reptile of land and freshwater species of order Chelonia, with body enclosed in heavy shell, and head and legs retractible, Batbloke! A tortoise?"
"Nope."
"Holy guessing an appropriate choice of pet for, Batbloke! A bat?"
"Nope. Although would have been a good idea. Damn."
"Holy giving up, Batbloke! What was it, something silly like an alligator?"
"Er, yes. An alligator." Batbloke clenched a fist and cursed. "I bet Jim down the pub a whole month's superhero wage that you wouldn't guess."
"You don't get paid anyway..."
"I know! Hahahaha!" Batbloke laughed maniacally and in a very disturbing and unnerving manner, and would have continued doing so had Bobin not interrupted and said,
"Holy why on earth did you get an alligator, Batbloke! Why on earth did you get an alligator?"
"He looked at me with big eyes, I just couldn't resist. I only went in there because I was trying to buy a newspaper."
At that point, the telephone rang. Bobin answered it and said a few things, before putting it back again.
"That was the Commissioner, Batbloke." he said.
"That's not the Commissioner's name." Batbloke said, confused.
"No, I mean, that was the Commissioner, Ron-Dog."
"My name isn't Ron-Dog, it's Batbloke." Batbloke not Ron-Dog said. "Ron-Dog is the Commissioner's name." The penny dropped. "Oh right I get you." said Batbloke at last, picking up his dropped coinage.
"So anyway," said Bobin, wondering why he was being given the 'intelligent' role, and why Batbloke was being stupid. "He said that we have to go out and do some superheroing, right now."
Batbloke leapt to his feet and ran heroically out the door, shouting "Hurrah!", as he is wont to do occasionally.

Meanwhile, Olly the Alligator crawled out of the bath where Batbloke had put him, and watched his new master leave to do some superheroing. Poor Olly only wanted to be friends, and he cried a few alligator tears and wandered out of the bathroom.
He walked into the living room and saw, through his haze of tears Batbloke's mask. Thinking it was a handkerchief, he put it to his snout and gave a big parp. In the best comedy fashion (so what is it doing here?), the mask got stuck on Olly's rather oversized head. Not an insult, you must have noticed how large an alligator's head is. Pretty big. Anyway...
Olly didn't think that the mask would hinder him in his search for a new friend, so he set out into the street.

"Aah! Thief! Stop, thief!" shouted Ted the jeweller after the man in a mask who had just stolen several very expensive watches from Ted's window display. The thief leapt into his waiting getaway car and sped off down the road, making rude hand gestures to Ted in the rear view mirror, and so didn't see in the road in front of him what looked suspiciously like an alligator wearing Batbloke's superheroing mask. The car hit the alligator and veered off the road, hitting a lamppost. Ted the jeweller reached through the door and grabbed his watches back.
"Who was that who stopped the car?" Ted asked a passer-by, who happened to be passing by.
"I don't know!" said the passer-by, obviously awed at the amazing superhero.
"Oh," said another passer-by, "I saw the mask, it was only Batbloke."
Ted shrugged and decided not to tell anyone. After all, being thankful for Batbloke was something only raving lunatics ever did. But it did seem rather odd, Batbloke doing something useful...

Olly never saw what it was that hit him, but he found himself hurtling (oversized) head first into an open manhole, and landed in the city's sewer system. Feeling oddly at home, Olly carried on walking, thinking he might find a friend here.

= May be about a woman's monthly, or may just be a magazine for women which comes out every month. We really can't tell. Oh wait, it's Batbloke reading it, so I think we can safely plump for the first option, unfortunately.

= Now, obviously Ally would be a better name for an alligator, but there are Reasons why this particular one is called Olly. Reasons I won't go into. So there.

= Alligator tears, sort of like crocodile tears, except crocodile tears come out of crocodiles, and of course there are more choices for names for alligators than there are for crocodiles (see above).

= Or would that be pawkerchief? That's probably what a high ranking pig police officer is called, porker chief. Sorry.